For the Veggie Deprived Souls. {Warning: Foodie Attempt}

It’s Veggie Time. I need to eat more vegetables.

 I have a dear german friend who was a study abroad in high school, and pronounced it: Wedgie-Tables.  Just couldn’t do the “Vee” thing, but she learned quickly. It’s remained in my interior vocab as an endearing, silly thing to say.  So, please know that every time I write this word or say it out loud, there’s a german voiceover in my head blurting out: WEDGIE-TABLES.
Now you can do it along with me.

I asked a long distance mommy friend quite some time ago what she eats postpartum to cut the prego fat off.  I did not like her answer. Aside from breastfeeding, which, in my opinion does most of the work for you anyway, she answered: RAW VEGGIES. (Read: raw wedgies)
I am not one to grab a carrot and munch away in satisfaction. It kind of makes my throat get dry and chokey just thinking about the endless chewing involved in the activity.
Salads don’t excite me.
I have never been the girl at the restaurant saying, “Oh, I’ll just take the house salad with a drizzle of nothing and nothing else on the side”
GIVE ME THE CHEESEBURGER! SPARE NO MAYONAISE! And you best BELIEVE I’m ordering a chocolatey/carmel something for dessert.
Skipping over the whining about my intestinal ailments:

I am perhaps gluten intolerant,
And if there was a law limiting sugar intake, I would be public enemy number one, a repeat offender.

My mother made us these veggie wraps a few weeks ago and after inhaling it, I WANTED ANOTHER ONE.
So, salad as a sandwich I can do! It satisfies the carb crave as I very, very, very,     …very. slowly try to ease it from my diet.  I’m not a quit-cold-turkey-er, either.
Carolyn, are you really going to write a how-to make a veggie wrap?  Yah. Yeeeaw.  Come on now, Jack, you’ve read this far. Might as well go along for the rest of the ride, k?

One needs:

• Wraps. or tortilla shells. I found Tomato Herb wraps at our local grocery store in the ethnic food aisle. (There are also spinach wraps, but let’s take it one step at a time.)
• Veggies. Any. Whatever you have! Chop those suckers up so it’s easy to bite into the wrap. I loathe the dangly pepper which didn’t get bitten into enough.
• Dressing. If you wish.
  -My mom mixed 1/2 T mayo & 1/2 T pesto. (gives a salty, herby taste)
• Meat, if you must. I added a few strips of crunchy bacon to mine. BACONNNNN!

What I put on my wrap:

• Zucchini from my momma’s garden
• Avocado (just a slice or two) even though I may have a slight allergy, I love it.
• Onion (sweet)
• Cucumber
• Red Pepper
• Spinach
• Lettuce
• Tomato
• Two or three crispy bacon strips

Assemble:

1. Spread dressing on the wrap
2. Sprinkle vegetables starting with the leafy greens
3. Roll
4. Cut in half
5. Eat

I made this one backward. Placing the lettuce and spinach UNDER the vegetables will make it easier to roll up. Lettuce removed from the photo for the obvious, obscuring-sight-from-rest-of-veggies reason.

Thar she be.

To keep it real, this is what I washed it down with…

To keep it even more real, here’s the staging for my photographs:

I curse the man who built this house, giving his wife marble floors but skimping out on the counters and thrifting them from his local doctor’s office’s Going-Out-of-Business sale.  Nay, life dasnt stop because of unsightly counter tops or cabinets.  I like to comfort myself by imagining that if I had the dreamy all-white kitchen I pine for, it’d be covered in greasy, grubby little handprints and I’d be forever psychotic.  So thanks, you inconsiderate builder-man, for belaying that inevitability. ihaytchu.

…also, what my middle child was doing while I was photographing my mess:

…and what my oldest child requested we do after I was finished.

Martha Stewart, youse guys. Now, EAT YER VEGGIES.

–OH! How do I serve this to my boys? I don’t.  Instead, I separate the chopped up vegetables into a sectioned toddler plate, slop some ranch dressing, and let them dip away! My mom spreads a little cream cheese onto some triangles of a cut up wrap, and they enjoy that too. As you can see, she has all the good ideas.  My mom and my sister always do. I’m just the executor.